Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
