i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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