Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
