i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
