Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
