Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
