how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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