I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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