So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
