Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
