Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
