doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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