apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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