Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high