So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.