I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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