I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?