Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later