She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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