I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
