i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
