Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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