why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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