Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
