So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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