She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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