So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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