Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
