I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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