you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
