I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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