my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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