Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
