I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
