At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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