I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
