What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
