from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
