oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
