I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
