Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
