508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
