so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
