i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're a waste of cheezeits
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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