whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
