I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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