Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
