i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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