You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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