I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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