you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
