careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
