He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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