Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
