I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
