Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
