So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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