I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
