Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
