that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
