i may or may not be watching the land before time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
