i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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