While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
