I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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