I wanna passion pit in your ass
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
