Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
