I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
