can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
