I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
