She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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